Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I don't like my 'boyfriends'

Some relationships are just not meant to be.

A few days ago, I set out on a mission to buy myself a pair of 'boyfriend' jeans. I know, I'm late to the party by many months, but I just thought these jeans would be perfect to wear to the park to hang out with other moms, and what better way to hide a pair of granny underwear and a giant maxi pad? Then of course there's the option of slipping on some high heels with those same jeans and becoming instantly sexy and ready for a night on the town, right? Is that too much to ask of one pair of pants?

Yes, it is.

I tried on several pairs, and wasn't quite sure of any of them, which should have been my first clue that this was not going to work out. Somehow, though, I convinced myself that if I just gave them a chance, brought them home and threw on a cashmere turtleneck and my favourite stilettos, I wouldn't look like an awkward teenager that raided her father's closet. This, in fact, is exactly what I did the first time this trend appeared in the 80s. Thankfully, I settled on a pair from the store with the best return policy. After giving them an honest try with practically everything in my wardrobe, I knew I had to get rid of them. It wasn't me, it was them.

Maybe it was the way they made my ass look flatter and saggier than it actually is. Maybe it was that extra space at the crotch meant for a penis, a penis that I don't have. I think the real reason though is that jeans have gotten so good with their fit in the past few years, I just can't settle for a pair that doesn't maximize my rear view, slenderize my thighs and make my legs super long. Why would I invest in an article of clothing that just isn't flattering? Why should you?

I realized that what I really liked about this style was the look of rolled up jeans. It's a cute, casual, and fun look. So I'll just save myself the ridiculous $200 and roll up the jeans I already own. Problem solved.

As for 'boyfriend' jackets, there's another trend I'm not falling for. While I still have a waist, I'll be wearing my jackets nice and fitted, thank you.

Speaking of jeans, here are some that are really special:


Though I think that they're missing their target clientele by featuring some casually dressed woman strolling through suburbia. How about a group of cougars in high heels, strutting through a singles' bar? Or better yet, a young hot guy dancing up a storm in the gay part of town?

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